missing the window, the magic sleep suit and has my brain truely disappeared?

Why is it that there is only that minute – rub eyes, yawn once, ok maybe sleepy, yawn twice yep am there yawn three times, shit Ive missed it………………the window of sleep has passed and mummy is in serious trouble with a wide eyed, looking slightly manic baby to try to coax to sleep – hands up if you have been there this morn? Two hand mexican wave from me!

 

The whole reason being since birth Floss has found it difficult to settle, jumping, flailing arms, writhing and wriggling until once day once upin a time a friend mentioned ‘the magic sleep suit?’ Could it work I thought? Could it really stop the 3 hour trying to put down, overtired cranky baby, no napping unless cuddly cuddly…………..

And My God does it work!!!!

From the day I put her in it Flossie has gone straight down, off to the lovely land of nod feeling safe secure and SLEEPING THROUGH!! thank you baby merlin, thank you!!! I do wonder what is in this stuff as it literally is MAGIC!!

So what went wrong today…………………………..its in the washing machine, heart attck moment! Im willing the tumble dryer to dry faster – make it dry! make it dry! but alas a fail on the HM part, (moral of the story buy two – am not being paid by them by the way!)

 

After retriving said suit, a slightly raised heart rate, lots of strokey eye brow, heart beat womb music – harmony is restored and Flossie is sleeping like an angel. Honest Mummys slightly panicked look is starting to loosen, the eyebrows no longer look like a bad fix of botox and attached to my fringe (which is incredibly short for those of yo who dont know me!) and I find myself sat with a coffee watching Wooley and Tig?????

Perhaps that is all my brain can cope with……………………………

Still beats yesterdays 3 loads of washing and 6 puzzles with the boy before 8.15!!

#excitment

 

Take care xx

time time time – or lack of it

Where does thew time go?

I do have to question if I am sitting in some sort of Honest Mummy time warp and wether actually it is just that all Mummys days fly by and become a big bundle of mat leave haze?

 

Yet again I am making excuses………………………….

So within this haze a lot has happened, the addition of yet another push chair (teenie bit in love) The ups and downs of feeding time OR ‘battle time’ as I like to call it, also known as tea time to other mothers with a toddler.

 

The adaptaion of sleeping baby, regime, not routine (still trying to make that one fly)

 

Probably around 6 thousand loads of washing, eleventyseventyhundred dirty nappies a growth spurt and ‘oh my god’ my little man is finally stretching as I’ve had to roll down his trousers (small aplause and a distant whoop can be heard), coupled with a new fresh attitude that Kevin and Perry would be proud of!

 

Snipett: Imagine my horror when, still making friends in a new area, I invite a mummy round with her girls of not disimilar age to my Team. When out pops the words with crystal clear clarity and the same in volume, whilst waggling arm in the general direction of new people trying to make friends, ‘These need to go now and not come back!’

 

Honest Mummy mortified, I think you can see what i am dealing with now…………………

 

Speak soon x

Honest Mummy gets ripped off? I dont think…………

I think as people we can sometimes be too forgiving and give up too easily when it comes to hard work and getting our hard earned, not enough to go round, the font of ‘some company sending me money on a monthly basis for having nice chats with people’ is drying up – (yes mat leave)

Not today, Honest Mummy is not having it!!!

So taking the mythical bull by the horns, between feeds, nursery runs….. yeah yeah you get it! I called after 6 emails……………….FOBBED OFF!

I emailed AGAIN,

Nothing

I mentioned Trading standards

Nothing

Grabbing then said mythical bull, now by its short and curlies (urgh what a hideous thought)’ I’m a Mummy Blogger and I will name and shame you…………….’

To be told: ‘your refund will be issued within 24hours’ – no no honest mummy says 12 hours, or as you would say as a child in the play ground, ‘OR ELSE!!!’ ‘so there’ also possibly in a late Rik Mayal stylie playing Richie in bottom.

We will see – my point being – not that I am particularly proud of myself or feeling ‘nails’ behind my computer keyboard giving them what for, but that I think sometimes, just sometimes we don’t stand up for ourselves and pursue things enough……… (God deep or what?)

Ok so the rational behind some of this maybe, errrrm I’ve bought a new pushchair……… I hate the one I have! If I trap my B*%stard finger in it one more time, it’s a quick drive to the nearest swamp (cus I know a lot round here??) brake off gentle shove and ‘ oh no it got away’. Instead it’s been an ‘ebaytastic’ time here at Honest Mummy towers and it’s actually a little bit addictive? (Or it that my personality?- maybe revealing too much about myself again ;-)  it’s like some sort of housewifie, mummy gambling front am sure?!- and just as vicious!) I’ll be surprised if there is much left when the husband gets home. ‘ooo I wonder what I could get for His watch? ‘-(that little voice again) You can guarantee the only bloody thing left will be the sodding buggy. Alas not concealing the new one I have already collected on a mad dash during nursery hours with Flossie in tow, like some mad Challenge Anika drive, playing I have a stronger will than this petrol gauge, there is still 50 mile after Zero on range finder right?

Anyway, I’ll leave you to your evenings.

A note to Honest Mummy Husband: thought best way to tell you. Yes, I’ve bought a new buggy – (I’ll be your best friend :-) )

Lots of love

HM xx

Farewell old friend, I believe you are gone for good and you will be very sadly missed

What is it with munchkins and sleep, eh?

What with the ‘I don’t need a nap Mummy, no way’ and the dosing in ones arms from the other, until the twitch of shattered dreams appears, that is every mothers greatest fear accompanied with the look of ‘how dare you attempt to leave me and think you have the remote chance of a minute to yourself?’

Look kiddies (as obviously they read my blog at the age of 2.5 and 10 weeks) let me tell you, you would regret it if only you knew. To be straight: I would require no rocking, patting, dummying, shhing, (although strangely relaxing, so may scratch that last comment). I’d bounce up those stairs, discarding the unwanted clothing items as I went to save time, move over bobo cloud baby I’m here for a snuggle, don’t worry about the blackout blind and no need to set the gro clock, just let me go and I’ll see you when I surface!

So basically the nap is gone, the Flossie bedtime 3 hour marathon is in full swing and poor old Honest Mummy is on a cold Sauv Blanc, after a slightly over cooked curry and oven chips tea (yes, yes a delicacy I know – how jealous are you right now? The Waitrose wagon is not due until tomorrow, so the game of what can be made from the oddities in the fridge is on!)- Accompanied by watching the monitor anxiously for any sign of agitated movement and feeling drowsy from the womb heartbeat noise (note to self never play to Flossie whilst am driving!)

Desperate times and hot weather have lead to the aforementioned ‘cupa soup’ not being that practical currently, so I have progressed to the silky smooth coldness of slim fast, you know that stuff tastes pretty good and works as time effectively as the soup- winner!

So it’s been a busy day of 2 year checks, fitting buggy boards which incidentally ’ one size does fit all’ but not with sodding ease and yet more bottle washing!

I wouldn’t change it for the world and thank goodness the wines cold.

Lots of love

HM

 

 

 

can we talk bedtime please?

So amongst other things today I have been asked:

1) Have you had any days where you thought it’s actually too much effort and I don’t think I’ll bother?

2) Are you feeling overly tired and lacking in energy?

3) Have you been in a state of confusion and unable to make a decision?

4) Have you had a lack of appetite or overeating?

It was 10 week postnatal check time, and by my responses…………………

1) Yes most days, applying to more than a 2 minute shower, make up or finding anything remotely coordinated to wear in the nano second I now find myself having between ,’waaa waaa’ I need to be held and ‘poo poo coming out’ on a morning

2) Most certainly, a toddler and a newbie, 3 story house, what seems to be a never ending bottle cleansing production line and the black hole that it my washing basket, never mind the actual fight to even get a pair of pants on after said ‘poo poo’ has in fact come out. The 3 time race around the car every time we try to get in, where the boy turns into some sort of small Usain Bolt (or is that my poor physical ability of 9 months of a stable diet of secret chocolate eating) – why I am not losing more weight I have no idea!!

3) Totally! The story of my life, I have in fact nominated my friend on the opposite side of the world in NZ my ‘decision maker’ (lucky lady), due to my quite frankly complete and utter inability to make anything remotely rational come out of this bubble on my shoulders!

4) Are you kidding me? I’m starving here, but back to the whole stopping of the universe and the the planet hitting the pause button, my wonderful new diet is cupa soup and some remarkably tasty ‘hobnob medley’ who would have thought it? (bulk buying when on offer on a supermarket actually works!)

So with the above responses and raised eyebrows, whilst ticking the boxes on the Health Visitor questionnaire (one size fits all job) I am expecting the van to arrive shortly and the men with the white jackets to be ‘coming to take me away ha ha’ – as the song goes! It could only have gone better if I had of mentioned the little voice inside my head that comments on my life as I go along, with comedy theme tune accompaniment!

But seriously, back to my original point, Talk to me people bedtime…………………………

 

DSC01544

 

How on earth do I get this to work?

Baths, feeding, dressing, chasing, holding rocking, one pair of hands with a big fat 7pm deadline that approaches, not once, but every bloody night! Whilst making a feeble attempt at making sure Flossie doesn’t go from zero to end of the workld and vomit all the hard work we have put in to merely start her on what is rather flimsy ‘bedtime routine’ again?

Answers on a postcard please……………………………………………. or just use talk to me!!

7pm EVERY NIGHT – so unfair………… sob sob

Hang on phones ringing…. ‘ whats that husband your working late again? wont be in till 8?  Yeah thought you might be! ;-)

Happy evenings all.

Lots of love

HM xx

 

The return of the Honest Mummy, is anyone still out there listening?

Ampthill MummiesSo after what you might call’ a little time off’ I am returning for those of you who were and are at all interested in the daily calamity and (mis) happenings of the honest mummy!

This time I return with a promise to all of my faithful followers and those who have questioned my return, that my commitment is here and if you chose to read will be blogs added regularly for you to frankly make yourself feel better, whilst having 2 minutes and a coffee that perhaps someone else (me) is either making you feel better due to the disasterous or ridiculous things I seem to find myself involved in, or just that someone else is having the same day as you but chose to write about it……………………..

I return slightly rounder, blonder definitely older, but on maternity leave again (seeing a pattern here?) after the arivval of who shall be named for the purpose of HM blog ‘flossie’ So now Mummy to the Boy and Flossie raring to go and back writing, thanks to a gentle nudge from the Husband and what I actaually mean is a kick up the arse. I return with a somewhat new fashioned eye bags and the desire to share my days with you. I will how ever require a little audience participation at some points as I hope to devlop this page further and you can get in contact via the comments button, love to hear emails or the dreaded FB  love it or hate it.

I cant promise my spelling has improved or as a matter of fact my humour, but thanks to those who read and if you like share with your firends.

For now, it feels good to be back, but I have a naked boy downstairs caysing much noise whilst I try and get flossie to sleep for a nap, I mean come how do you do this 2 kid thing and routine? Jesus, I think ill write my own called hit and hope!!

 

Much love

Honest Mummy xxx

Call yourself a mummy blogger?

As i lay here chatting from my bed, trying to induce an early night, to ease the pain of tomorrow, whilst peering through the cracks of my smashed blackberry  due to it plummeting to its near death state whilst i excitedly filmed new bendly leg dancing boy earlier, I realise a Christmas has passed and a new year is upon us since I last wrote!

And now the time has come for me Honest Mummy, that am sure any mummy dreads and that is the return to work from mat leave…….. Dum dum daaaa!

After being an emotional wreck for the last 2 weeks, tonight other than the obligatory stomach doing summersaults i’m surprisingly ok? Yes you read right, ok

I’m gonna call it denial as I am starting a new role and basically I’m ‘on the road’ which transpires into, I have not got a scooby what am doing tomorrow or where am going?! Ha

I’ll dust the olde lap top off, probably have forgotten all of my access passwords, locate my phone to call IT to find that it is of course dead of charge, find that the charger has gone AWOL to then finally once overcome all aforementioned challenges, realise I don’t remember what my mobile number is for the help desk to call me back!

Throw in, first run to child care with the heroes, a few cups of coffee, a meeting with the boss and I think I’ll call it a work day! Phew……….

I mean come on, I was heavily pregnant on my last day there ;-)

 

Happy New Years people, look forward to writing to you all in a far more consistent mummy blogger ‘working’ honest mummy fashion

Honest mummy doing some KIT days

The cloud loomed, the time arrived a suit was donned and am in the office!

It’s day 6 the weekend and rest of my maternity leave is in sniffing difference and wafting in my direction and my god are these next 3 weeks going to be precious.

I havnt quite figured out how to sort a 11 month old and get ready and get out the door, but hey I’m making it, just.

So please bare with me and I’ll be back the other side of the weekend :-)

There’s a monster in the house!!

As a Mummy or Daddy, from the moment you have conceived you feel totally in awe of this little thing you have created. Your goal in life becomes that to nurture, develop and create a loved, well rounded amazing little human being. From the baby that cries a lot when you bring them home, to the sleepless nights and troubles with feeding, you love them endlessly and in your eyes they can do nothing but right. The sun does actually shine out of that tiny little bottom and all the worlds gravitational pull comes from that little life you made………….aaaahhhhhhhhh

 

‘It’ (Strong, but a fair description for the behaviour I am witnessing and obviously said in jest) then sits in front of you on the livingroom floor, throwing its arms to the floor, leaning forward with some vigour putting his head on its knees and wailing, with a very funny, Im trying really hard to produce tears here, but I will wail and make some strange whimper noise anyway, in a one man sort of protest thing stylie and you think- what happened?

The wailing cause I’ve been put on the floor, the wailing cause I cant touch the TV, the wailing, cause Daddy has gone upstars, topped with why can I not put my fingers in the power sockets, play with the ipad or your mobile phone? Is actually quite an interesting one? Did I expect temper tantrums at coming up for 11 months old? errrm not so much?

So with Mummy being the evil witch from god only knows where and daddy being the best thing since slicest bread, being that I am the primary carer currently we are in for a good day ;-)

Friends and groups we will see and attend, we are in for quite a treat! I ponder as to what is the best way to deal with this ‘phase’ as quickly as possible, without Mummy and daddy becoming bald or resulting in alcoholism?

I’m feeling ignore, but any pointers are much appreciated here!

So from this day fourth, I name the boy ‘monster’ – its a bloody good job he is cute!!  ;-)

And am sure the sun does still shine out of his tiny squidgy bottom (most of the time) xx

 

some time may have passed

As the above statements proceeds me in fact weeks may have passed, but you can guarantee that nothing short of the normal mayhem has been afoot in the HM household!

Bio-hazard and quarantine tape were placed on the door, contamination suits left for those daring to enter, as yet another gastro virus has ripped throught the house, making ‘l’eau de vom’ the fragrance of no choice in HM HQ. The energy reserve drive due to a lovely telephone conversation with a lady regarding our bill and tariff, seems to have gone full steam a head in a romping fashion in the opposite direction! Due to aforementioned gastro disaster with a twenty four seven washer -dryer action (don’t get me started on that piece of rubbish) and dishwasher set to boil. the ‘man down’ count stands at 4-0 to they boy and god only knows how many more we got in an unkown fashion.

And of course, I would not be me if I had not delivered my usual calamity fashion a mighty blunder, this time in the stance of a poor driver from the garage picking up my car for a service.

The scene: Dressed in my over-sized t shirt and ‘lounge pants’ I answered the door, on day one of what we shall just call vom feast. A lovely gentleman came to collect my car to have it serviced, after completing the transaction, I gave him the obligatory thumbs up, only to get my thumb caught under said over-sized t-shirt flash him the honest momey bristols, as no undergarments were being worn and I was that sick I could not turn my shade of green to red, so I merely hung my head and shut the door - let that be an over-sized sloppy wearing warning to us all.

The shame and I am officially an idiot!

So, as I have just stepped up and stuck my toe in my coffee cup, creating  a small, yet substancial sized ‘dowe eggburts ‘ reservoir on our pale livingroom carpet, I better go before the frown of doom from the husb alters his face perminantly ;-)

Nice talking to you all and I will definitely be back tomorrow.  Have a lovely blustery sunday xx

NOTE: The eagle eye of you may notice that I have altered the heading to my page to include Daddies. I felt I need to correct this oversight on my part as there are alot of Daddy primary carers out there and also some who write some great blogs- some of which in my ‘wort a look links’